long silence

This blogging thinggie doesn’t seem to be taking off…Procrastination is my worst enemy right now. Other than inside my own head, my life has significantly slowed down. Days pass, nights come: They slip past me. It is a strange feeling indeed. I used to have three projects a minute popping up. Words of poetry hanging about my lips. I just feel blank.

For the record, here are a couple of my New Year’s resolutions:
1. Learn at least 1 surah every month (Links to good mp3 recitations welcome!)
2. Be more tidy. My apartment is an absolute mess at the moment. I need to do something about it and keep it up!!

Wasalaam,
Little Najma

Gratefulness

I was looking through some notebooks of mine. As I was reading, I came across some prayers I wrote last year, when I did not have a religion yet. I used to pray to God to find peace through my personal struggles. Now I can say that I have found this inner peace.

It has been quite a journey but it was well worth it.

Friday bliss

Today is Friday, yeah yeah yeah. I’m wearing my best (newest) buibui, feeling light and free and happy. I am looking forward to the communal prayers. The communion in prayer is always a moment of peace and great inspiration.

A great Friday to you all!

Little Najma

illuminated knowledge

I used to think that the purpose of my life was knowledge: to seek it, acquire it, share it and use it or just enjoy it for its own sake. But I’ve never been utterly happy and at peace even in instances when I was grabbing that knowledge firmle, basking in it, touching it with my bare hands. I had not realized that seeking knowledge alone was only a fruitless attempt at pushing away nothingness, an admittedly desperate attempt. I still had no grasp over the direction of my life because I did not possess the knowledge of Allah (swt). It hit me this week as I was walking about town: Allah (swt) granted me this insight that filled me with elation.

It all started falling into place: depression, partial recovery, relapse; that passion for languages that shall enable me to read and memorise the Holy Qur’an in Arabic, insha’Allah. The constant quest for knowledge and all the trials along the way: it was all leading me to this ultimate discovery of the straight path.

Contrary to preconceived ideas people in all corners of the globe people keep being fed in their media, Islam is absolutely not a religion of obscurantism. Quite the opposite actually. Allah (swt) tells us He loves knowledge and enjoins His slaves to even go around the world to contemplate His creation and learn as much as possible from it.

Being but a new Muslim, I am striving to educate myself through self-study and lectures at my local mosque. Your blogs also contribute to my budding understanding of the deen. Thank you all for that!

Wa salaam,

Little Najma

Deep inside the hijab

I have been writing a journal about my journey with Islam, how it has affected my life and the way I think. But today it hit me: a thought is not complete until it is shared, just like a feeling remains incomplete until it is expressed. That is what literature and arts are all about.

Well, I should probably start from the beginning, in the old-fashioned way! I became a Muslim a couple of months ago, after a period of reflection, research and intense discussion with both Muslim and non-Muslim friends. It is only later that I realised that my journey had started long before this final turn which led me to the shahada.

I have been in constant contact with Muslims since high school. Yet, Islam had not roused in me any profound interest other than intellectual. I was merely interested in the precepts and the doctrines of the Muslims, their creed and so on but I would not relate on a personal level with the religion. I have actually seldom given much thought to spiritual matters. It might seem very shallow, but what first moved me deeply was observing the women and especially their attire. I felt drawn to these veiled women: under their shawls and their flowing dresses, they did not only look beautiful to me, they seemed to move with an inexplicable grace and confidence. Fond as I am of experimenting with all sorts of things, I soon wanted to dress like them and feel as they felt when the wind would flap through their buibuis. I was fascinated by the way they would tie their hijabs on the bus, the gestures unique and inimitable. So as soon as I had gathered a small budget, I did a complete overhaul of my wardrobe. Little did I know where this would eventually lead me…

Encountering my new look, many were puzzled and some were pleased. It was not long before I felt the difference my attire made to my self-image. I have had serious inner conflicts that led me to mistreat my own body. I shall not go into details here, all you need to know is that I have voluntarily inflicted my body various forms of torture that have lefts scars up to this day. I have more or less reconciled with my body but wearing a hijab was the last step of this rediscovery of myself: I suddenly felt whole. I respected myself. I felt beautiful. I felt like a princess, gentle and smiling.

 

All grace be to Allah (swt) for this physical metamorphosis was his invitation to join His religion.

Wa salaam,

Little Najma

Hello world!

Wasalaam Alaikhum.

Welcome to my blog. It is the story of my journey in the straight path of Allah (swt). Feel free to comment, share your thoughts and enlighten me with your knowledge.

All praise be to Allah (swt).